James and Co Write Fanfiction
by Gryffindor777
Summary: James, Lily, and Sirius return temporarily from the dead to write a Marauders' Era Fanfiction about themselves. Lupin helps, too. Chaos ensues. All meant in good fun, though, so please no one take offense.
1. Vacation

A/N: This is sort of a companion-piece to the idea of the "Harry Potter and Co. write fanfiction" stories, but it's not a sequel. Still, you can feel free to read those, especially the first, as I actually completed that one.

Chapter 1:

A Vacation

Deep in the Department of Mysteries, three people burst abruptly out of the veiled archway that habitually provided only one-way travel from the earthly realm to the great beyond. Normally, no one could come back from the dead, given that this was one of the strict foundational rules that J.K. Rowling had set when she created the magical world of which the veiled archway was such a fundamental part. But these three people were special, so the rules about death didn't apply to them.

That's because these three people were Sirius Black and Lily and James Potter. The main reason that they were coming out of the veil was that this story will not be nearly as much fun to write (or read) if they're dead. So, they're not.

Don't worry, the three had been having a splendid time in the after-life. A jolly-good time, even. But talk of the recent phenomenon of heroes in the Harry Potter books writing fan-fiction about themselves had caused a bit of a stir even in the afterlife, and so the three dead friends were taking a short outing from heaven to try their hand at the past-time.

"I suppose Wormtail won't be joining us, then?" Sirius asked the other two conversationally.

"No, Hell doesn't give outings. From what I hear, he's currently been stuck in his rat form and forced to act as a play-thing for Satan's cat," explained James.

"Too bad, really. I had a few hundred choice words for him, explaining just how much of a... well... rat... he was," said Lily.

"You could always write him a letter," James reminded her. "Remember, there's that mail-truck that makes heaven-to-hell deliveries twice weekly?"

"Oh, yeah. Perhaps I shall, then. Do you think they'll let him transform back to human for long enough for him to read it?" Lily wondered.

"If it's particularly scathing, I'm sure they would," said Sirius.

"Anyway, let's go get Lupin, then see if we can borrow Hermione's magical computer," said James. They knew all about Hermione and her magical computer because James and Lily had, of course, spent much of their free-time in the after-life watching their son grow up. Yes, they realize that this sounds terribly corny, but they're his parents and therefore really couldn't help themselves.

"Right then... I wonder if I still remember how to apparate," Lily registered.

It turned out that they all apparated just fine, directly into the living room of Lupin and his recently-married wife, Nymphadora.

Nymphadora and Lupin were sitting on the couch. Both came within about half a point of blood-pressure to a heart-attack before Sirius told them, "Don't worry, it's just us!"

Lupin blinked slowly. "I hadn't been worried because I didn't _recognize _you... I was just shocked because you guys are... well..."

"Dead," said Tonks (who the author will still refer to by this name in spite of the fact that she would probably have changed in when she got married). Tonks was much less worried about being politically-correct than her husband.

"Oh, yes. We know," said Lily. "It's ok, though. We're on break."

"From death?" asked Lupin, confused.

"Yeah," answered James.

"So, what's the afterlife like, anyway?" asked Lupin.

"Splendid!" confided Sirius enthusiastically.

"Care to elaborate?" wondered Tonks.

"Wouldn't want to ruin the surprise," said James with a grin.

"Of course not," said Lupin. "So, basically, you've decided to spend your break from the afterlife engaged in taunting my wife and I with the fact that you won't tell us what awaits us on the other side?"  
"Of course not," answered Lily.

"Yeah, that would've been stupid," said Sirius.

"We came to write fanfiction!" explained James.

"Oh, of course," said Lupin. Lupin, of course, knew exactly what fanfiction was. He read it _all _the time, borrowing Hermione's magical computer to do so.

"So, I hear Hermione has a magical computer," said Sirius. "Why don't we go hit that up."

"Hit that up?" asked Lupin. "Do British people even _say _that?"

"I spend Friday afternoons in the afterlife taking American slang lessons," said Sirius.

"Oh," said Lupin with a nod. "Go figure."

Moments later, the four friends had apparated to Godric's Hollow, where Harry, Ginny, Hermione, and Ron were all living. The Golden-Trio had recently finished up their seventh year of Hogwarts, and, simultaneously, their struggle against Lord Voldemort. Overall, they were having a good summer, but none of them were quite prepared to have three dead people apparate into their living room.

"Mom, Dad," said Harry in a breathless voice.

The family had a very touchingly emotional reunion during which they all said a number of very emotional things which the author refuses to recount on the grounds that this is a _parody_ which the author is writing precisely _because _he does not care to put the effort into writing an emotional scene at the moment. The author is terribly lazy.

Therefore, the author will conveniently skip ahead to the part of the story where the three non-sleazy Marauders and Lily ask Hermione permission to hijack her magical computer.

"Hermione, do you mind if we borrow your computer in order to write a parody-style fanfiction about ourselves?" asked Remus.

"Oh, of course not, go right ahead," Hermione invited them generously. "Would you like any fanfiction-pointers? The four of us sometimes write fanfiction, too, although we've followed the trend of all other fanfiction writers at some point in their careers and are now taking a frustratingly long and seemingly unprovoked hiatus."

"That's ok, said Lupin. "I've read a fair bit of Marauder-era fanfiction myself, and I think it'd be more fun to learn by trial and error, anyway."

"Fair enough," said Hermione.

"Anyway, we'll leave you lot alone for a bit then so you can get a chapter written. How long is your break from the afterlife? Maybe we can play Quidditch later?" suggested Harry, whom you would in no way suspect to leave any room in which his long-dead parents were inexplicably reanimated in front of his eyes. But apparently whatever their conversation was that the present author skipped over, it was enough to tide him over for awhile.

"We can stay out as long as we want, so long as we update the fanfiction at a reasonable pace. So we should have time for a number of Quidditch-games," James assured him.

"Excellent," said Harry, and left the room with his three friends.

"So, how do we want to go about this?" asked Sirius.

"Well, basically, we want to make this story funny, so we're going to use as many bad-fanfiction stereotypes as possible. There are so many stereotypes about our characters, though, that it might be tough to work a substantial number all into one story. I think our best bet is to write our characters as if they're all suffering from severe cases of Multiple-Personality-Disorder. That way one character can display completely contradictory clichés from chapter to chapter. This is actually rather fitting, as one of the main trademarks of bad fanfiction seems to be that the authors have a hard time keeping any of their characters in character. Even when the characters concerned are characters they themselves made up," said Lupin.

"Sounds good so far," said Lily. "But wait, I thought this fanfiction was supposed to be about us. Why would we have to make any characters up ourselves?"

"Well, your friends pose a bit of a problem, since, as far as canon is concerned, there's really no concrete evidence that you even _had_ any female friends, let alone any clues as to what they were like," Lupin reminded her.

"Ah yes, I remember now. In spite of how popular I actually was in school, there's hardly any reference in the books to my social life prior to dating James at all," said Lily. She knew this because she had, of course, read the books. That's right, the Harry Potter books are available in heaven. They're free there, too, actually.

"So, in other words, any friends and prior boyfriends of yours will have to be made up entirely on the spot, and any character-traits that we give these characters must be habitually contradicted beginning basically from the paragraph when they are first introduced," said Lupin.

"Just so we know when we're introducing them, will any of these made-up characters end up being romantic interests for you and me?" asked Sirius.

"Some of the time," Lupin answered. "But a lot of the time, you and I are primarily romantically interested in each other. For the purposes of the story and including as many stereotypes in it as possible, I think we're going to have to write ourselves bisexual."

"Goodness gracious," said Sirius in scandalized tones.

"Did you just say 'goodness gracious'?" asked James with another grin.

"Yes... Sorry, Remus but I just don't have those kinds of feelings for you," said Sirius.

"Nor I for you, of course," registered Lupin. "But we're still going to have to write those parts in if we want this story to reach its full potential."

"Well then I'm not sure I want that after all," said Sirius uncomfortably.

"Oh well, you're going to have to get over your homophobia eventually, but for now, you can just close your eyes, cover your ears, and hum whenever we're writing a part like that. None will come this chapter, though, so we're safe for now," said Lupin.

"And what _will _come this chapter?" asked James.

"Well... it might be most fun to start it during our sixth year, so we can include a bit of the time when you were still being an insufferable prat as far as Lily was concerned, and then progress toward when you were going out with each other. If we end up getting inspired for anything that happened before then, we can always use unwarranted flashbacks to squeeze in whatever comedic situations strike our fancy," advised Lupin.

"Fair enough. So this first chapter should start off with James being an insufferable prat?" asked Lily.

"Sure. Why not during the summer before Sixth year? Why don't you start? This chapter can be Lily-centric, and you can introduce your best friends. For this chapter, why don't we have them be ridiculously clichéd Valley-girls who act like they're 12 even though they should be over sixteen? Their names should also be ridiculous, because most fanfiction writers have a really hard time coming up with names. Other than that, in order to properly mirror normal fanfiction style, just make sure to have bad grammar, plenty of typos, and as little internal logic within the story as possible."

"Sounds good!" said Lily cheerfully, as she sat down in the author's chair and prepared to type. She had learned how to type during celestial typing classes which take place every Monday afternoon at five in heaven.

"Oh wait!" said Lupin. "You've got to write a disclaimer, too."

"Oh, right," said Lily, who then typed the following.

_Disclaimer: We are not J.K. Rowling. She merely profits off of our story. However, we do get to read what she writes about us, so we suppose we're even. I _am _a bit sour about how she makes it seem like I had no friends, though. Oh well. Perhaps I'll pay her a visit while I'm on my little break from the afterlife. But, more on that later. Now: Onto the story._

_Lily Evans was a beautiful young girl. Modest, too. Really. And she was currently on a shopping trip in Diagon Alley with two other very beautiful girls who, for some reason, attended Hogwarts with her in spite of the fact that they were in fact from California. _

_"Hey Lily," said one of the girls, who had been named Flowerlove Marie Jones by parents who were obviously insane, high as a snitch, and not nearly as funny as they thought they were, when they thought up the name. "I just saw James in the window of 'Quality Quidditch Supplies' and he was _totally _checking you out!" _

_"But he's such a git! He's always pinching me and pulling my pig-tails," said Lily Evans, who had not yet progressed beyond the mental age of twelve. _

_"That's because he, like, _likes_, you. Duh!" said Lily's other best friend, whose name was Bubblegum Josephson. Her parents hadn't been high, they just really liked bubblegum. _

_"Americans are annoying when they talk," muttered Lily. Neither Flowerlove nor Bubblegum seemed to catch on that she was talking about them. _

_"I think you shud, like, totally go over and talk to him," suggested Flowerluv._

_"Why in the world would I do that?" asked Lily._

_"Because, his friends are hawt. And totally ossam!" supplied Bubblegum._

_"And bodacious! And tubular!" continued Flowerlove._

_"I think you've kind of progressed from 'Valley-girl' to 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,'" commented an annoyed Lily. The present author, of course, knows what the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are because episodes of their old Saturday morning cartoon are playing _all the time _in the afterlife. The present author is not entirely sure why. _

_"Oh, sorry. We'll stop if you go over and talk to him so that we have a chance to better ogle Remus and Sirius. We'll look away from Peter, though. He's neither bodacious nor tubular," said Bubblegum._

_"I thought we weren't going to use words like that anymore," Lily reminded her best friend patiently._

_"Are you going to talk to James?" asked Flowerlove excitedly._

_Lily sighed heavily. "I suppose so."_

_"Cowabunga!!" said Bubblegum._

_The three girls walked over to Quality Qwitch Supplies. _

_"Come to talk to me, Evans?" asked James, immediately invading her personal space quite thoroughly._

_"No, I came to give my friends a chance to talk to your friends," Lily said in venomous tones. _

_"What friends?" asked James curiously._

_Lily looked around and noticed that her friends had already made there way over to another part of the store to talk to Remus and Sirius. "Nevermind," she said. "I'm out of here."_

_"No, wait!" said James urgently as she turned to go, grabbing onto her hand. "I haven't gotten my once daily 'pledge eternal love to Lily Evans' quota out of the way yet. I love you forever, Lily Evans!" _

_Lily pulled her hand out of James' hand and walked back to the bookstore, leaving her Valley-Girl/Teenage-Mutant-Ninja-Turtle friends back at the Quality Quidditch Supplies store. _

_When they caught up with her, Lily told them what had happened. _

_"Ew, he touched your hand?!" asked Bubblegum, appalled. _

_"Now you've got cooties!" Flowerlove exclaimed._

_Lily sighed. Her sixth year was shaping up to be a long one._

"Nice work," congratulated Remus when Lily indicated that she was done.

"Why'd you write me as so desperate?" asked James, somewhat annoyed.

"Well, you _were_ kind of desperate in the summer before sixth year, and I figured that fanfiction stereotypes would only exaggerate this fact. Besides, I didn't write myself in a terribly favorable light either," said Lily, apologetically.

"Does someone want to write the ending author's note?" asked Remus.

"I will," said Sirius. After giving him some brief tips about how to construct an ending author's note, Remus set him to work.

_A/N: We apologize for the short length of our first chapter. We promise that the next chapter will be longer, even if we have to start taking pills for natural-chapter-enhancement. I have been informed that it is standard procedure for authors to threaten not to write a second chapter unless their first one gets a good number of reviews. However, as most of the authors of this story are currently under contract with the Keeper of the Veil to write chapters at a reasonable pace, we are unable to use this bargaining chip. We will therefore bribe our readers. Any and all reviewers will get imaginary cookies baked by Lily Potter. That's right! Imaginary cookies! We know you want some, so write us a review. _

Actual author's note: Well, in spite of the kind-of-short length of the character's chapter, I feel mine was relatively respectable, especially for a parody. I was actually considering breaking it into two chapters, but I felt that I needed to have some of the characters' writing in the first chapter. Anyway... Please review to let me know whether you think this parody is worth continuing. Also, please note, in case you're not a fan of slash (I myself am not, either), that any and all parodied bisexuality of Remus/Sirius/any of the other characters, will in no way be graphic. I anticipate keeping this work rated "T" all the way throughout. Thanks for reading, everyone!


	2. Four Year Olds

Chapter 2

Four year olds

"So, that last chapter was vaguely boring," said Sirius.

"Well... it kind of had to be, since they were still on summer vacation and couldn't use magic," Lupin stated defensively. He was already getting oddly attached to the fanfiction he had helped to create, and he wasn't sure he liked hearing people insult it.

"We'll have to fix that, then. Why don't we make this next chapter take place on the train back to Hogwarts? That way the characters can use magic, and next chapter can take place _at_ Hogwarts. Things can't help but be exciting at Hogwarts," reasoned Lily.

"Too true," agreed James.

"All right, then, why don't we go over the rules for this chapter, then," suggested Lupin.

"Damn, Moony," said Sirius. "Just because you were a prefect about 20 years ago doesn't mean you've _still_ got to be the one to enforce all the rules."

"I just want the story to be good. And I'm starting to get this _odd _craving for reviews, which is weird, since we just read the ones for this chapter moments ago," said Lupin.

"That _is _weird," said James. "How close is it to the full-moon?"

"Oh, come on, just let the man talk," said Lily, somewhat more urgently than logically called for. She was starting to get review-cravings, too.

"All right," said Lupin. "The main thing to remember is that we cannot afford to have the character-traits of Lily's friends in this chapter in any way resemble those that they displayed in the previous chapter. For that reason, we'll have to make Lily and her friends sort of the anti-Marauders this chapter. They will have to actually act their age, the better to contrast their behavior with that of the Marauders, who will act as if they are approximately four."

"And, um... I'm almost afraid to ask this, but... What's the romance-situation look like for this chapter?" asked Sirius.

"Oh... I suppose we can be straight this chapter... This will be a good time to stake out one of Lily's best friends as a romantic-interest for each of us. Stereotypically, the romantic interest for you will have to be a bit of an airhead, while the one for me will be a bit more book-wormy. She will also sigh heavily at any antics you and James try to pull."

"Why won't you be involved in the antic-pulling?" asked James.

"Because I am usually ridiculously boring in fanfictions," complained Lupin. "In tribute to that fact, in this chapter my character will display absolutely no sense of humor."

"But, you're a Marauder. And you just said the Marauders have to act like they're toddlers in this chapter," said a rather confused Lily.

"Remember, fanfictions have no internal logic," pointed out Remus. "Speaking of a lack of internal logic, it should be observed that while the marauders will act like they're four, they will do magic to a level surpassing N.E.W.T.-quality. Often, they will successfully perform spells that don't exist, but which would still be ridiculously hard to pull off even if they did, with absolutely no effort at all. Except for Peter, of course, whom the fanfiction community has nearly unanimously decided to portray as a squib. Also, we are often referred to only by our Marauder-names."

"It sounds like we've got an awful lot to remember," said James.

"That's ok," replied Lupin. "You can go first, and anything you forget to put in can be remedied by whoever goes after you. As far as grammatical absurdities go, I want you to write your section as if you've recently discovered exclamation marks and are, frankly, quite enthralled by the idea. That, of course, will be in addition to the normal typos and the like. But first, let me write a beginning author's note."

_A/N: Thanks to all of our reviewers. Specifically:_

_ash vault rose garden: What a nice review! We're glad we were amusing, and thanks for the candy. _

_Lexie-H: We like making people laugh, so... read on!_

_SomethingWicked: All right, then... we will indeed keep writing. Here goes:_

That done, James sat down and began to type.

_The Hogwarts Express was making its way back to Hogwarts, much as it did every other year. But weight! Something was deferent. There were four pre-schoolers in one of the compartments!!_

_"You're a bloody doo-doo head, Moony," said one. _

_"I'm still about ten times more mature than you are, Padfoot," responded Moony. _

_"Ten times smarter? You shouldn't even know what multiplication is. You're four years old!" shouted Prongs, who had just remembered that this chapter was supposed to contain an inordinate amount of exclamation marks. You may wonder how he would have known this, considering that he should not, in theory, even know that he's being written about. It'd be better for you if you stopped wondering._

_"Takes one to know one," retorted Moony. They all laughed maniacally at this, since the author is just now receiving word that the Marauders in fanfiction are _always _laughing at things that are not even remotely funny. At all!_

_"I won't be saying much, since no one listens to me when I talk," said Wormtail. Everyone laughed maniacally at this, too, even though nobody actually knew what he said._

_Then, Prongs had an idea! "I should go talk two Lily!" Prongs said! _

_"Again?" asked Padfoot. "That means I'm going to have to let Bubblegum flirt with me again, doesn't it?"_

_"I think Lily's getting the worst of it," Moony pointed out._

_"I'm sure that Lily will say yes to me this time!" exclaimed Prongs, and he then began to lead the way out of the door._

_"Oh, wait," said Moony. "You might want to transform yourself back into your normal age first... That is, unless you think you've really got more of a shot with the girl as a toddler."_

_"Oh, right," said James. "I'd better transform back. I think my best shot with Lily has always been to impress her with my irresistibly sexy body."_

"Wait a minute," interrupted Lupin. "That line just reminded me of something.

"That you want my sexy body?" asked James with a grin.

"Not even a little bit," replied Lupin. "However, I forgot that, like all female OCs, the girls hanging out with Lily have to be ridiculously good looking. An insane amount of time should be spent focusing on their looks, while their personalities will be only implied, if not entirely non-existent. According to fanfiction logic, this appears to be the only way to signify that a character is desirable. Any hints at a compatibility between two characters, then, must logically be indicated by each of the characters staring at each other, especially by the males staring that the girl's, er... relevant area."

"You mean her breasts?" asked Lily, finding it somewhat comical that, even at the age of forty, Lupin was apparently unable to bring himself to state this concept outright.

"Er, yeah. So, anyway, Lily, do you want to write this part?" asked Lupin.

"Sure," said Lily, who then sat down. "But I think the whole 'only referring to the marauders by their nicknames' thing is getting a bit old, and maybe the exclamation mark gag ought to go, too."

"I can always go back and delete some," offered James.

"No! You can't use the delete key. Deletion is not allowed in fanfiction. How else does one explain the insanely large amount of typos in most stories?" demanded Lupin.

"Er... I don't know, but I _do _think you need to relax," pointed out Sirius.

"Okay, okay. Lily, you don't have to use any jokes that you think are too trite, but make sure you use some kind of odd grammatical choices."

"I _am _particularly fond of parentheses," pointed out Lily.

"That should work," agreed Lupin, and Lily began to type.

_Meanwhile, Lily, Bubblegum, and Flowerlove were acting much more mature in their own compartment (having apparently matured almost a decade in mental age in the weeks since their recent shopping trip to Diagon Alley)._

_"I do hope that that pesky Potter fellow stops asking me out all the time," registered Lily sophisticatedly._

_"That's fine, so long as he still sends Sirius around for me to flirt with," specified Bubblegum. _

_"That's not a very mature thing to say," pointed out Flowerlove severely. She had a tendency to say things severely (because she constantly had to struggle to get people to take her seriously in spite of her name). _

_"But Sirius will never be into me if I'm too mature," pointed out Bubblegum. "I should probably also giggle a lot." She began to giggle in order to praktice. _

_When she giggled, her big blue eyes lit up in a particularly attractive way. In fact, everything about her was particularly attraktive. She was appropriately curvy, and had shoulder length blonde hair. Her skin was so soft that you could actually tell it was soft simply by _looking_ at it. Also, she had absolutely no pimples. In short, she looked like the type of girl who most guys want to sleep with and most girls want to shave bald so that they could fairly compete with her. _

_Flowerlove was also (of course) very attractive. She had straight brown hair and soft brown eyes. There was one region in which Flowerlove was not quite as well-endowed as Bubblegum, but it doesn't matter because since Lupin can't even bring himself to _say '_breasts', he probably doesn't spend a lot of time looking at them either. Oh... and her skin was radiant. Like, literally. It glowed. In the dark. It was actually kind of strange. _

_Lily, however (being the main female character in this story) was better looking than either of her best friends. Her hair framed her face perfectly and her freckles beautifully complimented her hair. Her ears and nose were neither too big nor too small, and her lips were full and inviting. _

_Yes, the three girls were quite something to behold. The only thing missing was someone for them to be beheld by. But (luckily) that situation was about to be remedied (since the marauders chose that moment to knock on the door). _

_(As a completely parenthetical statement, you might think that the author could use commas sometimes instead of always resorting to parentheses. However, the author is wary of commas and is afraid that if there are too many of them put together on the page they might get together and stage an uprising. Stranger things have happened. In fact stranger things will continue to happen especially in this story.)_

"A comma uprising, eh?" asked Sirius skeptically. "I kind of wonder what one of those would look like."

"Is it even _possible_?" asked James.

"I don't know, this _is _a magical computer, though. Personally, I wouldn't rule anything out. Besides, the possibility of a comma rebellion would explain why so few fanfiction authors use them as often as they should."

"At any rate, someone can feel free to take over for me," said Lily.

"I'll go, I suppose," said Sirius. "Is there anything I should know about this section of the chapter?"

"Well... basically, the main point is to contrast the immaturity of the marauders with the sophistication of the girls. However, this will be slightly offset by the fact that Lily's friends will shamelessly flirt with the boys as well. My character will have to be ridiculously clueless to the advances of my female counterpart, whom we seem to have decided is Flowerlove. Meanwhile, in the grand tradition of pre-teens all across the world, the Marauders will attempt to make up for their emotional immaturity by using cuss-words to make themselves sound sophisticated." advised Lupin.

"Will do, mate," said Sirius.

_"Whoever could that be?" asked Bubblegum sarcastically upon hearing the knock on the door._

_"If you're the Marauders, just go away, would you?" suggested Lily._

_"Er... No. Let us in, damn it!" James swore. _

_"You're so immature," commented Flowerlove, as she got up and opened the door. _

_Most of the Marauders were currently back to their normal 16 year old selves, even though they were not acting any more mature for it. Peter, however, had been unable to remember the counter-spell (Finite-Incantatem would have worked, as it turned out), and so he was still occupying the body of a four year old. The other Marauders could have helped him, but they all thought it was kind of funny._

_"What the hell's up?" asked Sirius, conversationally._

_"Well, James' head is up his ass," retorted Bubblegum. She was aware that she was supposed to be being mature, but she figured that _someone _had to make this joke, and it certainly wasn't going to be one of the Marauders._

_Sirius couldn't help but laugh at this joke, even though it was at the expense of his friend. Aware, however, that merely laughing at Bubblegum's jokes would not be enough to signify a possible romantic connection in a fanfiction, Sirius immediately refocused his gaze toward Bubblegum's chest. _

_"I'm up here," giggled Bubblegum, who was, however, clearly not at all offended by the fact that Sirius was looking at her cleavage, which was somehow visible even though she had already put on her school-robes which ought to have covered that area up._

_There was an awkward silence as Lupin looked uncomfortably at Flowerlove, Sirius tried to figure out whether he should snog Bubblegum, and Peter looked at his wand and tried to remember how the hell to get his sixteen year old body back. _

_James, never much able to deal with awkward silences, decided to end it by speaking up. "I love you, Lily Evans!" Then, he remembered that he needed to swear to prove his manliness. "Shit!" he added._

_"Well... I hate you," Lily pointed out._

_"Oh yeah... _That's _going to make me give up," said James sarcastically._

_The author, at this point, randomly remembered that Lupin and Lily were both prefects in the year in which this story is supposed to be taking place. Coincidentally, the relevant characters remembered this at the exact same moment._

_"We're prefects!" Lily and Lupin called out at the same exact moment. _

_Thus, they made their way to the prefects' compartment to do whatever it is that goes on in the prefects' compartment (the present author imagines it to be rather dirty). _

_Luckily, having this time with Lily's friends gave James an idea. Perhaps he would be able to ask them what he should do to win Lily's heart._

_"Bubblegum, Flowerlove, could I ask the two of you a favor?" asked James._

_"I suppose so," said Flowerlove. "I'm mature enough that I'll help you even though my best friend hates you."_

_Bubblegum just giggled. James got ready to ask them what he should do, but he first took a deep breath, then braced himself to hear advice that he didn't want to hear. But, he reckoned it would be worth it, if it meant he would be able to win over Lily, his, one, , , ,_

"Oh no!" shouted Lily, seeing that commas were continuing to appear even though Sirius had stopped typing and had backed away from the keyboard. "It's a comma uprising!"

"So apparently _that's_ what a comma-uprising would look like," realized Sirius.

The room holding the computer descended into complete chaos, as the four friends put together their entire magical capabilities to put down the punctuation-rebellion.

After they got the situation back under control, Lupin said, "All right, I think that's enough for one chapter anyway... Let me just slap an ending author's note on this thing."

"Go for it. Just... no commas," Lily reminded him.

_A/N: Well. Commas can apparently be dangerous. You've been warned. Meanwhile: Everyone ought to review because reviews are strangely addictive. Anyone who reviews this chapter will get the imaginary baked-good of their choice, baked personally by Lily Potter once she recovers from her various comma-shaped wounds. _

A/N (actual): All right... That was... strange. I'm not sure whether this is too random to even be worth reading (or writing, for that matter)... I'll probably continue writing anyway, 'cause I'm having a good time, but encouragement in the form of reviews is always helpful. I've got a certain number of clichés/situations in mind for this story, but if anyone else has any ideas for James/Lily or Marauder-era clichés, feel free to leave them in a review. Also, on the off chance that you're reading this story, kOiRa, thanks for the idea of writing a maruaders' era fanfiction...


	3. The Marauderettes

A/N: I need to thank lizztigger, whose suggestion to have a running joke similar to Ginny's discount buttons from my Harry & co fics led to the Peter's Soliloquy portion of this chapter... Hopefully it'll end up being worthy of running-joke status. Furthermore, thanks to Lexie-H, who suggested that I should show Remus' reaction to a flame... and as the story happened to receive a flame, I'll oblige. ; )

Chapter 3:

The Marauderettes

"Okay, first order of business, have we got this whole comma problem worked out?" asked Sirius.

"Yeah... The computer should now be comma-uprising proof. But we're going to make sure to only use commas in moderation, just to be sure. This shouldn't be hard, because we've still got to keep up the bad grammar/ typo gag," registered Lupin.

"Fair enough," agreed Lily.

"All right, second order of business, what's happening this chapter?" asked James.

"Well... We should probably have the characters attend the start-of-term feast. This will, among other things, give us the chance to show off our ridiculously bad naming-skills again. We may also want to take this opportunity to flagrantly ignore the rules of alphabetical order. Furthermore, the sorting hat's song will be a good chance for us to demonstrate the fact that, for all the time fanfiction-writers often put into their fics, they often refuse to put any actual effort into them. Thus, the sorting hat song, which can be hard to type owing to the technicalities of rhyming, is usually either omitted or just plain horrible," said Lupin.

"Sounds like a plan," said Lily.

"We should develop a romantic interest in this chapter as well," advised Lupin.

"As long as it's not one between me and you, I'm all for it," said Sirius.

"All right, but we can only go so many chapters without having some kind of romantic interlude between the two of us. We can't just ignore such a big genre of fanfiction," said Lupin.

"What about having Flowerlove start talking more about her developing crush on Lupin?" asked Lily.

"Should work," said Lupin.

"Is there anything else we should know before we start writing?" asked James.

"Well, the Marauders will continue to be immature. Peter will be aggressively ignored as much as possible, as fanfictioners tend to hate him. The three girls will exhibit contradictory character-traits pretty much at random until we decide how we want to characterize them. Until then, let's just write the feast part, and then figure out what to do afterwards," suggested Lupin.

"Okay... I'll write the author's note," offered Sirius.  
"Oh wait, I just remembered, there's one more thing we need to discuss before we begin," said Lupin, grimly.

"What's that?" asked Lily, slightly alarmed by Lupin's tone.

"We have our first flame," he announced.

"What? Where?" asked James, quite concerned. He immediately drew his wand (we're going to assume that he brought a wand with him when he came back from the dead) and prepared to shoot water from it as soon as he found this fire that Lupin was on about.

"On the computer. It's a type of review," said Lupin. "You know, the bad one."

"Oh," said James, who had of course read all the reviews which had come in for the story, although Lily and Remus were the only ones who had actually gotten addicted. He knew exactly which review Remus was talking about, but apparently Remus still felt the need to recount it.

"You know, the one that said, 'Stupid idea...really, I hate it,'" said Lupin.

"Er... yes, I remember that one," said Sirius.

"So, I just wonder what we ought to do about it," said Lupin.

"Well... I would suggest basically ignoring it," said Lily. "I mean, clearly, this person isn't going to come back to read further chapters, so we don't really have to worry about their opinion."

"Yeah," said James. "We should focus on the people who like our story: We got eight positive reviews for this last chapter alone."

"Yes, well, my question was more along the lines of whether we should delete it," clarified Lupin. "It was an anonymous review, so if we want, we can take it down."

"That'd be kind of mean... It's their right to express their opinion on the story," posited Lily.

"Yeah, but their review was kind of mean, too," countered Lupin. "It wasn't constructive or at all specific."

"It actually _was _kind of specific," pointed out James. "They said they think the _idea _sucks. In theory, the execution could still be okay."

"I'd like to see _his _execution," pointed out Lupin.

"Remus!" said Lily. "That's not nice at all."

"Oh well... Sirius, just write an author's note, then, and respond to anyone who reviewed since last chapter. Although you shouldn't respond to 'He-who-I-am-refusing-to-name-out-of-spite.'"

"You mean 'Booga-Booga?" asked James, referring to the name the anonymous reviewer left with his review.

Lupin cringed. "Don't say the name!" he commanded.

_A/N: _

_Lizztigger: Thanks for the review, and Lily says she has an idea for a recurring joke that she hopes you'll enjoy._

_ash vault rose garden: Haha... Thanks for all the anti-review-addiction items, but Remus and Lily refuse to use them... They won't admit they have a problem._

_Rebekahek623: We're pleased that you like it so far, and we hope this chapter's good too._

_Melanie Potter: We're glad you think we're emulating the normal fanfiction style well._

_Tigoamy: Wow... we hadn't realized that the commas had had such a hard time of it getting here... Still, no sending any more evil-punctuation our way. Thanks for the review, though! _:

_xX-Ashi-Xx: We're thrilled you think it's funny. _

_Lexie-H: Wow... that was quite a lengthy review. We'll do our best to include some of your suggestions._

_Xnuddi: Thanks for the review, and especially thanks for pointing out a particular part that you liked, it helps us to know what we're doing right. _

_Incendia-Princesse: Thanks, we kind of thought that comparison was rather clever, too._

_Also, as a quick general note: Although we believe we have the comma situation entirely under control at this point, we would just like to give our readers the following advice in case of further comma-rebellions: If any commas come out of the screen and begin to attack you, open up a word document and start typing semi-colons like mad. Works every time._

"That was the most ridiculous author's note I've ever heard," pointed out Lupin.

"All right... I'll take the first part of this chapter," volunteered Lily.

_Soon after the train arrived at Hogwarts, it was time for the feats to begin. But first, it was time for the sorting. _

_The sorting hat began to sing,_

_"I'm a talking hat,_

_You can't disagree with that,_

_Try me on. Right now. _

_If you don't, you're a cow." _

_ After shaking her head severely and commenting to Dumbledore that he really ought to stop letting the Sorting Hat get drunk right before Sortings, McGonagall called the first of the first years forward. _

_"Anderson, Angle," she said. _

_After being fitted onto the first student's head, the Sorting Hat slurred, "Huffle-claw."_

_"Bobby's wasted!" yelled out Sirius, in an attempt to prove his general immaturity. He had nicknamed the sorting-hat "Bobby" because... well... he had. _

_"Billiards, Yosemite," called McGonagall._

_"Raven-thing!" proclaimed the Sorting-Hat enthusiastically._

_"Alpaca, Marianne," read McGonagall._

_"Gryffinfloor!" screamed the hat, which was then removed from Marianne's head._

_"Slither-spin!" directed the hat. _

_"Er... wait until we've put you on a student," said McGonagall angrily._

_"This is getting painful to listen to," pointed out Lily. _

_"And some of the kids have such _stupid _names," pointed out Bubblegum._

_Flowerlove rolled her eyes._

_"I think Potter is eating paper," pointed out Lily._

_"Maybe it's sugar-paper," suggested Flowerlove. "They've got sugar-quills, do they make sugar-parchment?"_

_"I'm not sure," said Lily pensievely._

_"Anyway, why are you paying so much attention to what Potter's doing?" asked Flowerlove._

_"Oooh! Do you L-I-Q-U-E him?" asked Bubblegum. _

_"Er... no," said Lily, after taking a moment to process the fact that one of her two best friends had just misspelled the word 'like.' Apparently, this was the consequence of the British wizarding-world having no formal education system prior to Hogwarts. _

_"Yes you dew!" pressed Bubblegum._

_"No, I don't," said Lily in more menacing tones. _

_Flowerlove, knowing that Bubblegum would be stupid enough to push Lily until she got really angry, decided to draw some of the attention to herself. "I think I like Remus," she blurted out._

_"Of course you do," said Lily. _

_"You already knew that?" asked Flowerlove._

_"Not only that, he likes you too," pointed out Bubblegum. _

_"And it's _that _obvious?" asked Flowerlove, completely baffled that Bubblegum had figured out something that she herself had not._

_"Yeah, well... Obviously James likes Lily, so that's one pairing down. And I like Sirius. And you can't _possibly _like Peter, so that leaves Lupin. And, he can't like me or Lily, 'cause he wouldn't impose on his best friends' pursuits of us. At least not this chapter," specified Bubblegum._

_Flowerlove was pretty sure that there was at least one flaw in this line of logic. She thought about it for a moment. "Wait... there's other people at the school who I could like, or who Remus could like."_

_"Don't be such a ditz," scolded Lily. _

_Meanwhile, further down the table, the Marauders were displaying their immaturity by levitating Snape upside down in his underwear in full view of the professors. None of them seemed to care in the slightest. When James put Snape back down, the feast began. It was a jolly good time. _

_At this point in the feast, Peter decided to burst into a random non-sensical soliloquy in order to prove that no one ever pays attention to anything he says. This may become a once-per-chapter ordeal, if people like it this time. While the other marauders continued to eat, Peter cleared his throat, stood up, and said, "Once when I was young, my mother married a rhinoceros. He had a rather nasty temper, and whenever he got angry his horn wood turn green and glow. Then, the Avada-Kedavra curse would randomly shoot out of it and kill whoever was in its path. Needless to say, all of this explains why I've always been afraid of parrots. What I'm trying to tell you all is, beware of the tulips. And _never _eat red meat on Thursdays. Ever." _

_Then, Peter sat back down, and the feast went on around him without anyone so much as suggesting that he see a psychiatrist. He felt that his point was quite proven but was also still feeling rather starved for attention. _

"Is that good for the feast?" asked Lily.

"It's passable. A lot of fics do act as if the Lily's friends and the marauders are essentially the entire dating pool at Hogwarts. However, we will eventually have to widen the pool a bit to make things more interesting, but that will give us a great opportunity to demonstrate that our fanfiction, like many others, has absolutely no internal logic to speak of."

"Sounds like a plan. Shall I write the next section of the chapter?" asked James.

"The next part of the chapter can take them through the first couple weeks of school. I've found that a lot of fanfiction writers like to write Lily and her friends as sort of female versions of the marauders. Lily and her friends can then compete with the marauders in the prank wars which always seem to occur in fanfictions, or just pull pranks by themselves. Do you think you can pull that off?" asked Lupin.

"I'll give it a shot," said James.

_A week after the start of term, James, Lily, Remus, Sirius, Bubblegum, Flowerlove, and Peter were the only ones sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room. Because, seriously, who else would use it?_

"_This chapter, we're Marauderettes!" declared Lily, completely out of the blue. _

"_Sounds vaguely like 'cigarettes'" commented Remus._

"_We _are_ kind of like cigarettes," pointed out Bubblegum. "Short, hot, and mighty dangerous."_

"_We don't have as much nicotine-content as the name might suggest, though," clarified Flowerlove._

_"We're still plenty addictive, though, mind," said Lily._

_"Too true," agreed James, who was currently plotting how he would ask Lily out for the fifteenth time that month (it was currently the seventh). _

_"So, aside from being cigarette-like, what exactly does it mean that you're a marauderette?" asked Sirius, who was hoping this conversation, like so many other fanfiction conversations which involved him, would end with him snogging someone severely sexily senseless._

_"It means we should probably have a prank war," said Lily._

_"Ok, whichever team more severely embarrasses the other team in a period of 24 hours wins the prize," James pointed out._

_"What prize?" asked Lily._

_"You get to go out with me!" suggested James._

_"That's wouldn't be a prize for me," said Lily. _

_"What about you go out with me if we win, then?" asked James. _

_"Oh, whatever," said Lily, who was quite certain that her team would win. _

_"Oh, and how about Sirius and I date if our team wins," said Bubblegum._

_"Or if our team wins," added Sirius, who then snogged her._

_"And I won't date anyone ever, because I'm insecure," suggested Lupin._

_"Okay. Unless we win. Then you have to date me," said Flowerlove._

_"Er... All right," said Lupin._

_"Oh. And Peter can... well... Peter should probably just focus on figuring out how to reverse that spell from last chapter that still has him looking like a four year old kid," said Lily._

_"He's still got that going on?" asked James. "I haven't really looked at him lately. _

_"Okay, you two, break up the snog-fest," Lily advised Sirius and Bubblegum. "We've got a prank-war to fight."_

"So, are there any special rules for writing a prank-war?" asked James.

"Well... fanfiction tends to lack subtlety, especially where prank-wars are involved," pointed out Lupin. "I can do this part of the chapter, I guess, since I'm the only one who hasn't typed anything yet tonight."

"Sounds like a plan," agreed everyone else.

_So Sirius and Bubblegum stopped kissing for a bit, and both the Marauders and the Marauderettes set about doing their utmost to prank the other side into oblivion._

_Soon, the Marauders decided to have a strategy session to discuss how they would win the war. _

_"What is the least subtle thing we could possibly do?" asked James._

_"Blow up Hogwarts," suggested Sirius. _

_"Blow up the _world_," countered Peter._

_"What about something less fatal?" asked Remus._

_"Hmmm... We could torment Snape some more," suggested James._

_"This is supposed to be a prank war against the Marauderettes," Remus reminded him._

_"The who, again?" asked Wormtail. He's not very bright._

_"You know, Lily, Bubblegum, and Flowerlove," said Remus._

_"Oh, right," said Wormtail. _

_"Why don't we reverse gravity?" asked Sirius._

_"Why would we do that?" wondered Remus._

_"Er... Well, it's certainly not subtle. And, if we just got rid of gravity in the girls' room, then it could be construed as a prank against them," said Sirius._

_Due to the fact that fanfictions tend to completely ignore details from the books, the marauders have no problem getting up to the sixth year girls' dorm, in spite off the fact that the stairs ought to halve turned into a slide underneath their feet. They were similarly successful in getting rid of gravity in the girls' room._

_However, when they left the room and came down the stairs, they were met by the girls, who were, apparently, ready to pull a prank of their own. _

_They made the boys' clothes disappear, except for Peter's since no one wanted to see Peter naked, and besides he was still in the body of a four year old. _

_This was, as it turned out, more directly embarrassing for the boys than was the fact that the girls no longer had any gravity in their bedrooms (especially since the anti-gravity spell was easily turned back, but the images of the marauders without clothes was seared into everyone's minds forever). Meanwhile, Lily decided that James looked pretty sexy without clothes on. _

_It was too bad he was such a prat otherwise, reflected Lily, as the scandalized Marauders ran back up to their rooms to get more clothes (apparently, they were _not _able to reverse the girls' spell in order to bring their clothes back). _

"Hmm... so does that mean that our Sirius character will be dating Bubblegum, and yours will be dating Flowerlove next chapter?" wondered Sirius.

"No, unfortunately, next chapter is the chapter that you and I will first randomly become gay in order to recognize the large slash subculture within the Marauders' era portion of the fandom," said Lupin. "But don't worry, Bubblegum and Flowerlove will eventually get together with our fanfiction counterparts."

"What other surprises are in store for next chapter?" asked James.

"It's really too early to tell. Why don't we all take a bit of time to read some fanfictions now?" asked Lupin.

"Okay," agreed Lily. "Do you want me to put a quick ending author's note on this awhile?"

"Sure," agreed Lupin.

So she did.

_A/N: Well then... Perhaps not our best chapter... but then the first two weren't brilliant either, so what do we care? Meanwhile, I'm sick of baking things, so anyone who reviews this chapter will instead get imaginary donuts from the imaginary bakery down the street. They're delicious! _

A/N: Thanks for reading up to this point, and sorry this update took so long to get up... I've just completed my junior year of college, and things had been a little bit stressful toward the end. Anyway, let me know what you thought of this chapter. I'm particularly curious whether anyone thinks the "Peter's Soliloquy" thing is worth continuing. Also, I would like to say that I'm thrilled that some people who had read my first parody a couple years ago have found this one as well and started reading it, too. Of course, new readers are much appreciated, too!


	4. Demon Bunnies

A/N: Sorry this chapter took forever to get up, but I kind of thought that no one would continue reading this story after book 7 was out. However, a couple recent reviews have convinced me that this is not the case. Of course, Book 7 spoilers are fair game from this point onward in the story, so be careful. Also keep in mind that this story is all in good fun, and no one should be offended by this chapter. Those who are especially encouraged to not be offended include slash-fanfiction-writers, fanfiction-writers of other creeds and denominations, Kansans, and rabbits.

Chapter 4

Demon-Bunnies

The various Marauders had just finished reading _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_.

"So, um… Are you dead too?" Sirius asked Lupin awkwardly. His awkwardness in this situation is quite justified, as this really isn't the type of question one expects to have to ask their friends, especially when this particular friend is sitting, quite alive, in front of them.

"Erm… No," said Lupin.

"Oh, good then," said Sirius, quite relieved for the moment. Then he remembered why he asked the question in the first place, and he frowned. "Wait, does that mean that that Rowling woman is misrepresenting the story of how Voldemort fell?"

"Well… Only slightly… She made it so that Tonks and I died, and so that Malfoy lived. I'm not sure why any of that was necessary, but… you know… dramatic effect and all that…" said Lupin vaguely.

"No, I have no _idea_ about dramatic effect, and don't intend to," countered Sirius. "We should sue her for misrepresenting you as dead!"

"It's rather hard to sue someone for misrepresenting the truth in a book that they are publishing as a work of fiction," reasoned Lupin calmly.

"You know, I feel like all this talk is distracting quite unnecessarily from our fanfiction-writing experience," pointed out Lily.

At the mention of fanfiction, an oddly hungry expression crossed Lupin's face again. This oddly hungry expression had a habit of crossing Lupin's face every time fanfiction was mentioned, and it was becoming a bit disconcerting, in James' opinion.

"Too true," said Remus. "We really ought to get focused on that. Let's respond to the reviews for the last chapter."

So Lily got into the author's chair and typed the following beginning author's note:

_Many thanks to 17Ginny17, emz, Haruchan, Mariano's-twins, sazza-da-vampire, Ysabela, Autumnrain16, StarStellar, Lexi-H, xX-Ashi-Xx, Shadowfox5, Tigoamy, rhiawoods, Mirrorbay2000, and Ash Vault Rose Garden. Not so many thanks to Booga-booga, who has now managed to give us 2 pieces of completely unconstructive criticism. Oh well… special thanks are in order for Tigoamy, because we use at least one of 'bad fanfiction clichés that she mentioned in her review during this chapter. Oh, and sazza-da-vampire, we would reply to your fake-flame, except that, judging from the frantic-type looks I'm getting from Lupin, we're in a rush or something. _

"Right," said Lupin, "so the plan for this chapter will be to start us in our sixth year of school. This chapter will have to include at least a little bit of romance, as we've had scarcely any so far. But as it's entirely too early for James and Lily to get together, Sirius and I will have to be the ones involved."

"Wait," said Sirius, "you mean 'involved' in the sense of each of us hooking up with Bubblegum or Flower-love, right?"

"Unfortunately, no," said Lupin, shifting his weight uncomfortably. "This is chapter four, and we can't keep ignoring the large amount of slash fanfiction written about the two of us if we're going to reflect the actual fan-fiction that we're trying to parody."

"Oh, damn it," said Sirius, who seemed to know better than to argue with Lupin when it came to fanfiction.

"Well, it's about time the two of you got together," teased James, who had always thought this was bound to happen someday.

Sirius and Lupin both shot James murderous looks so James decided to stop teasing.

"Anyway," continued Lupin, "in order to show that we recognize that this chapter is taking place at Hogwarts, we can have the main action of the chapter take place in class. But just so that it's not too academic a setting, why don't we make it care of magical creatures? And, to comply with at least one of our reviewer-suggestions, we will make Hagrid be the Care of Magical Creatures professor."

"Wait, what reviewer suggestion is that answering?" wondered Lily.

"Tigoamy said that 'The space-time continuum needs to be messed with,'" answered Lupin.

"Yeah, that's the one that I thought you were talking about," said Lily. "Well, shouldn't we screw with our placement in space as well, then?"

"If you want… What do you suggest?"

"Why don't we have it take place in Kansas?" asked Lily.

"All right, fine," conceded Lupin, who, for his part was just anxious to start writing the chapter and therefore would probably have agreed to just about any suggestion that any of his coauthors made. "We also need to include a lot of somewhat nonsensical sexual innuendo during this chapter, since fanfiction writers seem to think that innuendo is one of the best ways to subtly emphasize the fact that there's a lot of romance going on in any particular scene."

"Why does it need to be nonsensical?" asked Lily.

"Because almost nothing in fanfiction ever makes sense," explained Lupin.

"Fair enough," said James. "D'you want me to start?" asked James, who felt that his number of lines during this chapter so far has been quite lacking.

"All right," agreed Lupin.

_Chapter 4: _

_Care of Magical Beasts_

_The very first class that the Gryffindor 6__th__ years had on their first day back in school was "Care of Magical Beasts." This was essentially the same class that would later become known as "Care of Magical Creatures," but this was before the whole wizarding world got politically correct and tried to make the names of things less offensive. Thestrals are beasts, damn it, and changing the name of the course does not make them any less so. _

_At any rate, Hagrid, who had been the Care of Magical Beasts professor since long before his birth, was lecturing the class on a particularly fantastic new type of beast that he had bred in his spare time. Because that's just the kind of guy that Hagrid is. _

_"So, these things are called demon-bunnies," announced Hagrid proudly, gesturing to a cage full of small but ferocious looking animals that were about the size of rabbits, but were also blood-red and had horns like one would imagine Satan having. Also, they sometimes breathe fire. "Does anyone have any idea _why _I called them demon-bunnies?" asked Hagrid._

_"Er… because they're a cross between rabbits and demons?" asked Lily, hoping like hell that she was wrong. She did not want to imagine how Hagrid had managed to get hold of demons, nor how he had managed to "cross" these with rabbits._

_"Yes! Five pints two Griffendoor!" said Hagrid in an awfully misspelled tone of voice, owing to the fact that the present author has just been reminded that he has been slacking horribly on the typo/grammatical inaccuracy portion of his job. _

_"This is going to be one hell of a class," said Lily apprehensively, and began sipping one of the pints of beer that Hagrid had just given her for answering the question correctly. Hagrid was not a very good professer. _

_"Right, so, what we're goin' to do is let ou' the rabbits, feed 'em, allow them to run around for a bit, and do our best to keep them from actively eatin' any of us. So, you should all pair up and take a rabbit for each pair. But be careful. Like normal rabbits, these animals are very good at carrying on their species. They will try to impregnate you. Especially the males."_

_"How can we tell which ones are males?" asked Wormtail apprehensively. _

_Hagrid looked confused. After a moment, he said, "Boys usually keep their hair cuts shorter." _

_Terrible comprehension dawned on James. "I think he means that the rabbits will especially try to impregnate those of us who are males," he explained. _

_"Oh, yes, tha's what I meant," confirmed Hagrid. "Oh, did you think I meant 'specially the male _rabbits_? Oh, no, they're all males."_

_At this point, the nervous Gryffindors paired off with each other. Bubblegum immediately paired up with Flower-love, and James took this opportunity to ask Lily to pair up with him. _

_Lili wanted nothing less than to be partners with James in anything. However, she was feeling particularly spiteful toward him today for no reason (except that she's always spiteful toward James toward the beginning of Marauder-era fanfiction) and thought that it would be amusing to have a close-up view if James were to get impregnated by a demon-bunny. So she agreed. _

_This left Moony to pair up with Padfoot, who hoped that the romantic experience of trying to tame a sex-crazed rabbit from hell would bring the two of them closer together. _

_Nobody liked Wormtail, so he was left to pair with a nearby shrub, who did not much like him either. _

_There were, of course, other people in the class, but these will be ignored due to general laziness and lack of creativity. Every pair of students retrieved a hell-rabbit and sat together with their partner, with their eyes open and their wands out in case the rabbits tried anything too… forward._

_"So you look pretty today," said James._

_"You can go to hell," said Lily. Even she would not have been able to tell you why this perfectly well-meaning compliment had earned James such a harsh reprimand, but it is at least clear that James will not be getting anywhere this chapter. For this reason, focus will now be shifted to Looping and Black, who may in fact be getting somewhere this chapter. _

_For the sake of making their conversation sound as romantic as possible (using 'romantic' here in the sense that the word has taken on in most fanfiction writing… in other words, read "romantic" as "stupid". ) the pair had decided to speak only in innuendos and euphemisms. It was a lot like this certain game on Who's Line is it Anyway, actually, so we're now going to officially add "Anyone involved in Who's Line" to the list of people who should not sue us. We'll assume that the previous sentence was the disclaimer for this chapter. _

_Anyway, Hagrid, in order to start off the innuendo-storm that was to follow, had one last word of caution to help the class deal with their new charges. "Like I said, be careful o' the rabbits. Don' let 'em sneak up behind yeh." _

_"I'd like to sneak up behind _you_," Sirius confided._

_"Do you want to put your wand in my holster?" asked Remus._

_"I'd like to use my quill on your parchment," confirmed Sirius._

_"Or ride my hippogriff?" asked Remus. _

_"Put my quaffle through your hoop," supplied Sirius._

_"Levitate your feather," suggested Remus._

_"Have sex with a woman!" exclaimed Sirius._

_"Er… what?" asked Remus._

_"Oh, sorry… I get very sexually confused sometimes. But I'm gay this chapter… So… what I meant to say was… er… give you some potion from my cauldron," clarified Sirius._

_"Oh, that's better, then," said Remus. "These rabbits aren't the only magical beasts in this class."_

"Well, that got really weird really fast," said Lily. She looked kind of amused by this fact, but Remus and Sirius both looked slightly uncomfortable and were refusing to meet anyone's gaze.

"Well… That's all I've got," said James.

"Oh… well… who wants to write next?" asked Lupin.

"I will," said Lily without hesitation.

"Okay," said Lupin. "Why don't you write about how jealous the whole thing with me and Sirius is making Flowerlove and Bubblegum. Also, maybe include something about how there's approximately no lead up to relationships in most slash writing, including the part of the lead up where it should be revealed that the character is in fact homosexual. It seems like many slash-writers feel that their being so forward thinking and socially responsible by including gay people in their writing means that they don't have to write stories that make sense."

"That's not really fair to say," countered Lily, who had read about as much fanfiction as Lupin has by now. "Non-slash authors write on the same level."

"Yeah, but I'm a little bit resentful toward slash writers at the moment, as they're pretty much responsible for this entire awkward situation that I find myself in," explained Lupin.

"Oh, ok," said Lily.

"Oh, and remember to put in a 'Peter's Soliloquy'… the reviewers seemed to like the one in last chapter."

_Remus and Sirius fell momentarily silent while they did their best to come up with some more euphemisms to signify their immense attraction to one another. _

_The scene will therefore cut to Floorlove and Rubblebum, who were extremely annoyed that Cyrus and Raymess were too busy flirting with each other to notice their obnoxious amounts of cleavage. Even their demon bunny from hell was refusing to try to mate with them. _

_"We're probably lesbians," announced Bubblegum, who then proceeded to begin making out with Flowerlove without any further explanations of the emotions of either of them. Unfortunately, neither Sirius or Remus seemed to get very jealous over this. The hell-rabbit was not jealous either, but used Bubblegum and Flowerlove's distraction to its advantage as it snuck off and impregnated Fang the Boarhound in spite of the fact that he was probably, at this point, yet to have been born. But demon hell-rabbits are not bound by mere conventions of only impregnating beings who have been born. They, much like slash-writers, are very liberal and forward thinking. They find that this helps them to carry on the species. _

_It was at this point that the author was reminded by a disapproving-looking Remus Lupin that this chapter was supposed to take place in Kansas and there has been, as yet, no mention of this fact at all. Unfortunately, the author has no actual knowledge of Kansas at all. All descriptions of Kansas, therefore, will be based solely on knowledge that the author has gleaned from watching a high-school production of "_The Wizard of Oz." _Anyone remotely involved in that high-school production of said play should therefore consider themselves added to the list of people who should in no way sue us. _

_A funnel cloud suddenly appeared in the western sky, since the only concrete fact that the author can currently recall about Kansas is that tornadoes sometimes occur there. _

_"There's gonna be at tornado!" exclaimed Hagrid. "Everybody run up to the castle, and take your demon-hell-bunnies with you!"_

_Everyone but Wormtail heard these instructions in spite of the wind which was getting louder every second. Wormtail, however, was too busy talking to the shrub which he had approached earlier. He knew that it didn't like him, but was trying to win it over with what he mistakenly considered to be a very thought-provoking and charming soliloquy. _

_"This demon-rabbit reminds me of a fish I once owned. It was later eaten by a llama. Leopards can be used as protection in a desert-environment. They are particularly useful for this job since they are able to carry several days' worth of sugar in their spots. They can also be used as telescopes" said Peter._

_After finishing this speech, Peter looked around to see if anyone reacted to his rant. If they didn't, this would prove once and for all that no one paid attention to him. _

_Of course, by the time he looked around, he found that the entire Care of Magical Beasts class had left him alone in the middle of what was turning out to be quite a nasty tornado, which proved his point just as well. He rolled his eyes, grabbed his demon rabbit, and made his way through the increasing winds to the castle. _

_Meanwhile, in the casthole, the class was continuing in the Great Hall. Unfortunately, at that point the wind picked up more substantially and knocked, Wormtail, as well as Dorothy, Toto, and the Scarecrow, through a large window. _

_"I think we must still be in Kansas, Toto!" Dorothy exclaimed. "Things like this are _always _happening in Kansas!" _

_Toto did not respond, but Snape randomly ran into the room, carrying a potion which he just brewed. Snape will, of course, be assumed for the purposes of this chapter to be a professor, even though he should have been the same age as the marauders. This faulty space time continuum is just screwing everything the hell up._

_Nobody was quite sure why Snape was running around with a potion in the first place. However, Seamus Finnigan believed that it was part of a plan to steal the Sorcerer's Stone from Professor Umbridge, so he tackled Snape, causing the potion to be spilled all over the floor._

_Immediately, both Toto and the Scarecrow ran over to the potion and started lapping it up from the floor. According to the logic of "potions accidents" fanfiction, they were both immediately turned into extremely attractive seventh year boys who will, of course, be attending Hogwarts beginning next chapter. They will be useful in playing with the idea of a male Mary-Sue, which is something else that Tigoamy suggested in her quite helpful review. _

_Dorothy, however, will not be useful for any purpose in future chapters, and therefore disappeared with a pop as the entire Hogwarts School of Witch-Craft and Wizardry entirely shifted its position within the space-time continuum, leaving early-20__th__-century Kansas and ending up in---_

_A/N: Well… how's that for a cliff-hanger? Reviewer suggestions for places and times in which Hogwarts can land next are quite welcome. So are reviews on any other topic. We're really not picky about the type of reviews we get. Of course, if it's going to be criticism, we'd prefer it to be constructive… Still. All readers are hereby bribed to review with the offer of virtual cheese doodles and pop for all reviewers. Readers may exchange this offer for any snack-food and beverage combination of equal or greater value. _

Once Lily finished, she looked around the room apologetically. "Sorry to wrap it up like that, but I felt like I was on a roll."

"No problem," said Sirius, who seemed to at least be relieved that his fanfiction counterpart's burgeoning relationship with fanfiction-Lupin was not mentioned much in Lily's portion.

"Yeah, Sirius and I will each take a turn next chapter," agreed Lupin.

And indeed they will.

A/N: All right, reviews are appreciated and encouraged. Also… readers are encouraged to take a look at my current 'next-generation' story, called "Of Potters, Weasleys, and a Mysterious Muggle-born." It's not nearly as funny as this story, but I put a whole lot more effort and get a lot fewer reviews. Not that I'm complaining or anything.


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